Breaking

I broke up with my girlfriend 2 weeks ago.

Breaking up sucks. There are no two ways about it, it SUCKS. Even if you’re like me and were trying to hang onto a relationship that was on life support and should have had its plug pulled ages ago but you’re just too stubborn and blinded to give up…it still SUCKS BALLS. Ok, not literally since this is a lesbian relationship we’re talking about, but you get what I’m saying. It’s awful.

This is even true when you’re the one who wanted the breakup. Let’s say you’re feeling pretty good about your decision for a while. You’re walking around thinking about how things are so much better now that she’s gone – the toilet paper is on the right way, there are no dirty dishes in the sink, you don’t have to watch her stupid shows anymore, you don’t have to watch one more goddamn fucking kitten video, you don’t have to have long conversations about her stupid friends and her fucked up family, you don’t have to share the bed with anyone but the dog…yeah, it still sucks. Unless she was THE worst girlfriend in the world (and, seriously, we can’t have all been with the worst gf in the world, can we?), the happy freedom dance is going to – at some point – come to a screeching halt. Aaaannnnddd…cue the deafening silence.

You’re going to miss her. Even if you don’t want her back EVER, even if you hope she falls off the edge of the flat earth inside her head, you’re still going to miss her.

You’re going to miss the way she smells after a shower. You’re going to miss the way your bodies curved together in bed like someone designed you to be spoons of the same size. You’re going to miss the way her eyes lit up when she talked about something that, well…made her eyes light up. You’re going to miss the way you looked at her across the room and felt a swell in your chest. You’re going to miss her hands and her hugs and her laugh and

Yeah, that.

I broke up with my girlfriend 2 weeks ago. I’m ok, relieved even. It was not a good relationship, especially not towards the end. It may not have been right even in the beginning. But it still sucks, big time. And for once in my life, I’m not going to run on and pretend that it doesn’t. I’m going to feel every feeling there is to feel during this time and hope that I can keep growing into the person I will need to be when I meet the love of my life.

If I meet the love of my life. The dog is pretty happy to have the bed back, just sayin’.

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